A ramble from the soul

So, it seems like God's got my back. It's funny to say that, cuz that is the same thing I might roll my eyes at these days. I said earlier confession brings freedom, and so it seems that it really really does. (I believed it then, and believe it still, just another confirmation, I guess). But see, I've got a lot going on these days: wrapping up a life of five years, planning a wedding, passing on the country-directorship and finishing up of ESI work, packing my belongings in 2-50 lb. bags... And the thing is, Neal says that he can hear ME in my voice again. It's like I've been hiding out for a few years trying to control my own life. When all along I needed to give that control to God. I can't say that I've given control to God, I don't think that is something I have consciously done. But I am learning that some things/ideas I have learned when I was younger (whether taught to me by someone, or I saw by example) aren't really "right". Things like "winning souls for the Lord", and having conversations and building relationships with an ulterior motive to get them saved, being ashamed or scared someone might not like me if I shared Jesus with them, thinking I might be rejected if they reject Jesus, thinking I can control what another person will think (it's not my job).

So, what I was trying to say in the beginning, I've got a lot of things to do. And well, it seems like they are getting done. There are so many things that need to get done, frankly, I don't have the energy to worry whether or not that I can do it. I have been trying my best. That's really all I can do...and trust that if it needs to get done, it will.

Neal's collegue, who I have hung out with in groups with his collegues before, called me up to go for some tea. We went out and had a good time and great conversation. I didn't have an ulterior motive to "save" her. I was completely honest with her (as honest I can be with myself and her). What is this faith of mine? I don't know. It's going somewhere and somewhere new (for me). I have to trust that our conversation will be glorifying to God. It's not about ME being a better Christian than HER (cuz she does believe in Jesus), It's not what I can do or say for her. Maybe it's what she could say or do for me...who am I to compare that my faith or her faith is stronger? What the heck does that matter or mean? IT DOESN'T!

Got off track again... So with all these things, I've been getting things done. I've got mice. A student was going to watch the mice. He just told me (with about 10 days before I leave) that he can't watch the mice over the summer (Matt is adopting them next year; smuggling mice to America really isn't my thing). And so Ildi (that's Neal's collegue) came over to see if she wanted any of these things in the flat, I mean, apartment and she saw the mice and she said she would watch them over the summer. So, hey, yeah. Things are getting done. So, maybe I can say God's got my back. It isn't about saying "there is no such thing as coincidence" because come on, what's that mean? Either way, things are getting done. I've been having cool conversations about faith, and I feel pretty good. Maybe God really is doing something in my life. Heck, I know He is. I can say it makes me excited. I can't say what's going on in the depths of my soul is refreshing. Actually, it's quite painful and scary. But I like the conversations and thoughts that have been given to me. Thanks Aaron, Janelle, Soomi, Ildi, Don, and Neal.
I hope it was good for you too.



Last time with the girls-->me, Gabi, Liz, and Soominator